SVENSKA - turn your backs and say NO!!

God knows what possessed me to throw myself at Svenska last week. Maybe it was the my "hankering hunger thrive" telling me she wanted to dine at “New places” and “experience new culinary artists”, maybe it was the fact that I’m in an “inspiration mode” to review new places and put on my experience into the world. Possibly it was the idea that, these days at least, I have the notion that I can pull this sorta things off successfully. Point is, I gotta strike while the old iron is hot, and this time this shockwaves spiked on Svenka, gosh don’t I regret it!

How my day visit panned out? it is preposterously long, so do yourself a favor and get a snack. I recommend Nibs, or maybe something in the Chip family.

I was wondering how to write a review on this place, without missing even a single slice of detail, and then I got this idea of describing that day as it was uncut and uncensored. 

So, here we are…

6.30am

Mom informs me no lunch today, eat from out.

7.30am

Manju Whatsapp Priya.

Pri, please don’t get lunch, we shall lunch out.

10.30am

(Priya pings Manju on communicator)

Priya: Manju I got lunch, but I gave it away to Vishnu as she didn’t eat breakfast.

Manju: Awesome!

Priya: Which place is it this time?

Manju: Svenska. I know you said this place isn’t good, but look at their ratings and menu. They have lots to offer. Let’s give it a try. How bad could it go?

Priya: Hmmm..Lemme check the menu.

(Priya pings after sometime)

Priya: They got Tiramisu. Let’s go, am all in…. **wink wink**  **wide smile** .

Manju: BTW, what was your lunch today?

Priya: Pulliogray

Manju: Yuk. I hate it. Glad we eating from outside. Thanks Pri. Muuuahhh.

Priya: Did you call Ani?

Manju: I did. She wants rice, so I asked her to eat from her place and meet us at 4.

Priya: Cool. I am sure she won’t eat whatever we order. 

12.30pm

(Manju pings Priya on communicator)

Manju: Let’s go?

Priya: Meet you near lift in 5.

(Manju & Priya walking down towards Svenska hoping for the best)

1.00pm

(Manju and Priya hunt for the perfect seat. After trying a couple of options they found one. They got seated comfortably and waited for the waiter to show up with the menu.

Waiter gets them one menu.)

Manju: Hey this menu looks quite different from the one I saw online.

Priya: Yep I feel same. I can’t find my tiramisu L and also my pizzas. I want Pizza LL

Manju: I guess this is just the Indian cuisine menu. Let’s ask them for the Italian and drinks menu.

(Manju asked the waiter for the Italian menu. Waiter gets the Italian menu but forgets to get the drinks menu. Manju, slightly annoyed, contains her frustration, and requests the waiter to get all the menus. Waiter gets the drinks menu.)

1.15pm

Manju: Pri, you look into the drinks menu, meanwhile I will check the dishes.

Priya: Alright

(After browsing the menu for quite some time Manju tells Priya)

Manju: Hey Pri, do you mind soup?

Priya: Soup is cool.

Manju: Great! Let’s order Mushroom soup. I think it will be good.

Priya: Alright. I know you love mushrooms so let’s go for that.

Manju: Cool. For starters I would recommend Nachos, as you love it, and Paneer Tikka. What’s say?

Priya: Nachos...Yummmyyy...I likey. Panner is cool too.

Manju: For mains, since you wanted pizza, lets go for Hawaiian touch pizza’s minus the Jalapenos. I hate them. They add a picklish taste to food. And since you haven’t tried Risotto, I shall order that one too. Okay?

Priya: Sounds amazing. Let’s go for it.

Manju: How about drinks?

Priya: Everything looks expensive and nothing seems quite appealing to me. House wine might not taste good. Remember our experience in lacasa? I thought we could order mocktails. I am thinking on the first option under “Zero Proof drink”.

Manju: You mean Beach blanket Bingo?

Priya: Yep.

Manju: Okay. I will go for Virgin Kiwi Mojito. Mojito’s are safe options. No one can get a Mojito wrong. J 

(Priya calls waiter to place the order.)

Waiter: Yes mam

Priya: Mushroom soup, Nachos, Paneer Tikka, Hawaiian touch minus the jalapenos, Risotto, Beach blanket Bingo and Mojito. And Tiramisu as dessert.

Waiter: Sorry mam we are out of tiramisu.

(Priya with sad face)

Priya: Alright we shall order our dessert later.

Waiter: (without taking notes of our order, shows off by repeating the order) I will repeat. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Manju: Yes

(Waiter goes away to place the order.)

Manju: I hope they get our food soon. I am famished.

Priya: Me too.

1.50pm

(Manju talking to herself)

Manju: Dude, get something soon. Or at least give something complimentary. Grrrrr.

(After sometime, Manju can see waiter coming down to their table with drinks.)

Manju: I can see the waiter coming in with our drinks. It doesn’t look good pri, I hope its tastes good atleast.

Priya: Don’t worry it will taste fine.

Manju: I hope so.

(Waiter arrives with our mocktails. The mocktail glasses itself gave us a bad vibe already. He also gets a bowl of complimentary chips.) 

Manju: Yay. My fav chips.

(Manju takes first sip of her drink. The color drains from her face. She wants to scream, but contains herself. She lets out a sigh and tells pri,)

Manju: Pri, this drink is too sweet. Looks like they have made a sugary syrup and added little kiwi into it for flavor. I can’t drink it. Do you wanna try?

Priya: My drink seems fine. You taste mine and I will taste yours.

(After tasting each other’s drink)

Manju: Your drink is way better than mine. How is mine?

Priya: Pathetic. KFC can get a mojito much better.

Manju: I have this bad feeling pri.

Priya: Don’t lose expectation gal. Chill. Let’s c.

(Waiter comes in with the soup)

(Manju checks out the soup, finds that it’s watery.)

Manju: Pri this soup looks very watery. Taste and temme its good.

(Priya after tasting.)

Priya: Soup seems fine. Taste it and see. Every spoon you eat, you will like it more.

(Manju takes her first sip. She seems happy.)

Manju: True pri, I liked it. I hope rest of the food tastes the same. I have some hopes now.

(Waiter gets paneer tikka next. Looks appealing. He serves it onto the plate.)

(Priya leaves back half of her soup and starts eating Panner Tikka.)

Manju: How is it?

Priya: I liked it. Tastes nice. Try it.

(Manju after taking her first bite.)

Manju: Pri, don’t you think paneer is undercooked. Paneer is sticking to my teeth and I need to chew it hard to swallow. Don’t you feel it?

Priya: Now that you mentioned I feel that too.

Manju: My hopes are lowering again pri. I somehow have a bad feeling.

Priya: Me too.

(Waiter arrives with Pizza and Nachos. Looks are quite disappointing. )

(Waiter serves nachos and leaves.)

Priya: There are so many beans in this damn dish. And the nachos have gone all squishy. I dint like it Manju.

Manju: lemme try.

(After trying few bites.)

Manju: Some nachos seem crispy, but they have put a lot of beans in it. I hate these beans, plus can you c these nachos are burnt?

Priya: yep I saw that. I am done with nachos. Pass me a slice of pizza.

(Priya after first bite of pizza,)

Priya: Its ok ok.

(Manju tries pizza too.)

Manju: This is by far the worst pizza I have ever had. Its quite bland, the base is too thick and undercook I guess. That’s why the toppings are peeling off from the base.

Priya: Pass me another piece.

Manju: Don’t eat it if you can’t, we could parcel it out and eat later.

Priya: Alright, that will do.

Manju: I just feel like cancelling risotto order. If they couldn’t get a pizza or a nachos dish right, m sure they will suck at Risotto, but I guess it’s too late now. Let’s c how risotto pans out, if its good we shall pack it and eat in evening.

Priya: That’s a good idea. I cannot eat more. I think my stomach is grumbling, I fear I will catch a dyspepsy.

Manju: Then eat no more.

(Waiter passes by to the next table with a dish full of rice colored black and uncreamy. Manju smirks in her mind “Someone is going to have a terrible dish too, good we are not the sole unlucky ones after all”.)

(Waiter comes back with the same dish to Manju’s table. That’s when realizes what the smirk has cost her. That dish was the so called risotto.)

Manju: pri, that’s not how a risotto looks like. I am sure there chef doesn’t understand what risotto is. Just have a spoonful and c.

Priya: This tastes like “ari payasam (ari=rice in malayalam)”. Can’t eat it Manju.

(Manju takes a spoonful of risotto to taste.)

Manju: Yukkk.. This is nowhere near to a risotto. I can’t eat it pri, no one can. Let’s leave the dish untouched.

Priya: That’s better. Let’s just pack pizza, that maybe we could heat up and eat.

Manju: Okie.

2.30pm

(Manju calls waiter.  Asks him to parcel the pizza. And also for the bill.)

Manju: I am sorry pri I got u here. This place is a disaster.

Priya: It’s alright. One downfall. But just make sure you review this place and give it a zero rating.

Manju: I will surely do that. I am sad that we ate this shitty food and now we have to end up paying such a huge bill. It’s really disappointing.

Priya: I know. I think this will cost us atleast 2k+.

Manju: Yep it will. I just don’t understand how a business hotel like this can serve food of such low standards. Street foods are way better than this one.

2.40pm

Still no bill. We call in a couple of staff members and ask for bill.

2.50

Still no bill. They are testing Manju’s patience. Manju and Priya even thought of walking away without paying bill.

2.55

(Priya gets pissed.)

Priya: Boss, bill!

Finally around 3 they get the bill. Like expected it did dig a huge hole in our pockets.

Frustrated Manju paid the amount and both of them left the premises swearing never to come back again and if possible stop others to walk in too.

Pulliogray would have tasted heaven in front of this. The pizza that we packed, we had to throw it away and it turned into a rubber when it lost its heat. Ani escaped this gruesome experience. And Priya ended up with diarrhea.

Overall the worst experience one could get in any restaurants.

P.S - 

1.Alacarte sucked, No clue on Buffet - at your own risks.

2.Looks are way too deceiving. 

star